I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize