Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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