weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
