Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
