tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
