we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
