I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Randomize
