I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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