No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
