I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
