i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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