he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
