I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
