I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
