You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
