i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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