if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
