It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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