I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
