How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
