Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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