Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
