If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
