she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize