I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
