Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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