Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
