Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
