I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
