first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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