My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When are your genitals available?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
