I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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