YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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