i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
