If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
