I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
