I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
