Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
