you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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