I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
