In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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