You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
