If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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