You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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