my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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