We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
