I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
