i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
