Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
