85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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