where am i from again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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