So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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