You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
