Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize