Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
