if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize