I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
