Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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