I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize