I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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