I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
