I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
