It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
