I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
