i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize