Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
