and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
