Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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