Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
