Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
