a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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