My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
