I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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