Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
