Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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