why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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