i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
