Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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