We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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