even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
