i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
