I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
