Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
