Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
