i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
